Sunday, September 8, 2013

Is it Love?

So last time I wrote about the amazing J. Well since that post we are now officially dating. So for facebook we have been official for two weeks, but for our own feelings we have been dating for a month and a half. We try to spend as much time as we can together, but it is hard when I had things planned before I met him, but now I have time. Every time we are trying to decide what to do, he wants to come up with new ideas. He doesn't want me to get bored. I just have to keep reminding him some days that I'm tired and I'm happy to just spend the time with him cuddling and watching movies. He makes me feel so special when I am with him. My stomach still does flips sometimes, but otherwise I'm just happy looking into his eyes and smiling. I can't seem to stop smiling.

So with all of these amazing feelings floating around, I've been trying to figure out if I'm in love and ready to say those 3 scary but amazing words, or if I should wait until it just comes out when I am ready to say it. I just don't know what love feels to me, so I have been asking people how they knew.

  1. I asked my parents, and both being ridiculous, I got basically the same answer, "We are?" Not helpful, but they did tell me I would know when it was the right time. And that once we are in love that it takes work to keep the love going. 
  2. I asked my friend L. She said that both her and her bf had never said it before, but that they knew within a month of dating that it was time to say it. That she wants to spend a lot of time with him and cares for him deeply. 
  3. I asked my friend T last night how she knew and this is what she texted me: "I think I really fell when I realized that he was my best friend the only one that would be there in a heart beat. he made me tingle and just feel safe. He didn't care about the drama in my life n saved me from it. I don't know exactly what your looking for but when you're ready you'll know it. You could fall in love with a look, a touch, a hug. Its how that makes you feel. Do you feel safe with him, can you trust him, will he be there for you no matter what. And the big one, can you see a future."
With some many different ways to feel love, I just don't want to make a mistake. But at this moment I cannot see myself with anyone else. I see good looking guys go by and I don't even really pay attention anymore. I can see a future with J, we have even talked about it. 

I have warned him about my past and how I can be sometimes. And from his responses I know that I can trust him and don't want to lose him. He doesn't want to rush me, but he also can't help how he feels. From a text last night, I am pretty sure he is ready to say those three words, but is waiting until I am ready to hear or say them. I just don't want to hurt him, but I at this moment cannot see myself without him. 

So if I say those three little words the next time I see him or further a long, we shall see. But for now I am going to enjoy my happiness and the feeling of enjoying my time with him.