Reviving Ophelia

Tonight I found a movie that I've seen only once and decided even though it went on past when I usually go to bed to stay up an watch it. "Reviving Ophelia" is about a young girl who is an abusive relationship, but doesn't realize how her boyfriend is manipulating her. No one listens to her cousin who tells the girls family about the abuse.

This movie makes me wonder how girls and women can be in abusive relationships. That they can let a  guy manipulate them so much that even if they are hit, they still stay with the guy. Is it a psychology thing or is poor self-esteem? I know it isn't only women in these types of relationships, men can also be in abusive relationships. Relationship types can go either way, gender doesn't matter. The abuser should not be able to blame their upbringing for their actions. Abusers can come from good homes or bad homes, and good people do come from bad homes.

I may have limited experience in the guy department, but I don't know if I could be one of those women. Since starting college, I have become so much more independent than I used to be. I worry about my friends that this is the relationship they will end up in. Maybe that is why I struggle to trust myself or guys. I don't want to end up in a relationship where there is abuse.

I remember my first year of college that my roommate read the book "Reviving Ophelia." She was all about supporting girls knowing their bodies and respecting themselves. To not abuse their body with eating disorders.

Even though I am officially obese, I would never abuse my body with bulimia or anorexia. I want to be healthy, even if that means I'm not a size two. Even if people think I am fat, I don't care, people are mean and hurtful. They hurt people to build themselves up.

I may not be the most confident person, I may not fully like myself, but I want to be happy and healthy. I will be respected in whatever relationship I end up in. I am too independent to let a guy push me around and abuse me. I am too proud to abuse my body.

For any of you readers out there who have been told they are fat or ugly. Don't listen to them. You are beautiful/handsome in your own way. Listen to your friends if they say you might be in an abusive relationship. If someone hits you, please report them. Love is not shown by hitting you. Please be careful.

Some Dreams and Some Goals

I randomly downloaded a free book on my kindle the other day and found that I loved it so much I bought the second book. I read both in a day and cannot wait until the third comes out. I went to the writers website and found that she had started writing these books as a project during the November writers thing that happens every year. I sadly have never participated in this as I've always been busy with school. But it inspired me to write a list of some dreams and goals I have.

Goal/Dream 1: I want to write a book. I don't care what kind of book. I just want to write a book. I've started several books, but I have never finished them because I find that I can't continue them. I want to finish one as soon as I am done with my Master's degree in a year.

Goal/Dream 2: I want to ride on a motorcycle. Not necessarily driving it myself, but I want to ride one. Not picky on type or brand or whatever.

Goal/Dream 3: To love myself. I don't have to like everything about myself...just a few more things. 

Goal/Dream 4: I want to fall in love. Fall in love and get married and start a family. I was almost in love once, but he pushed me out of his life after a few months of getting to know each other. It was heartbreaking, but I'm ready to find love.

Not sure what else other goals and dreams I have. I don't usually think about them too much.

Readers, what is one of your goals?

A nifty party that was the bees knees.

All dolled up. 

Just got home from a banquet with my ladies and other speechies. It was speakeasy themed. So to get ready for the night I decided to do finger waves and dress in '20s fashion. I went out and bought some fishnets, the stuff to do my hair, and a long strand of pearls. The girls decided I was the cats meow. LOL. Love the 1920s slang. I did some think gel eye liner as well as some red lipstick. It was fun to be dressed to the 9's.

I spent all morning watching videos of how to do the finger waves and even then I spent an hour trying to fall their instructions I came up with my own way of creating the finger waves. Now if only I could figure out how to make the shorter portion of my hair turn out as nicely. I would do it more often. Longest part once you figure out how to do it, is to let your hair dry. I used gel instead of the lotion or other suggestions. I just used basic metal hair styling clips. As combing forward first didn't work for me. I started by combing back, pinning the, combing forward, pinning, and repeat until I got down by my ears. Then I did the other side. But of course had trouble with that side as it was backwards to what I had already done.

I'm thinking this might be a good outfit to pull out for Halloween next year if I actually decide to go out on the town. I was a gypsy this past year at the campground.

Well it looks like the weather is going to be nice this coming weekend and week. I'm looking forward to running, relaxing, and working on my tan. So to everyone who reads this have a great weekend and coming week as I don't know if I'll have anything to post about until school starts in May.

Survival and Braveness

I SURVIVED!!!!!

I made it through my first year of graduate school. YAY!!! After 2 weeks of limited sleep, one in-class exam, 2 take-homes, and 2 online exam, I am totally done!!!! It feels so good to be done with 2 semesters of graduate school and to know my fall off campus placement!! Yes, I finally found out what my fall part-time placement will be :) I will be in the local schools here. Not sure what age groups, but I'm excited. Now to get a good placement for the spring :)

To celebrate I am going to meet up with my classmates for a mini potluck and dancing at one of the local dance scenes. I have been to a smaller version of this club back in my hometown, but this one is huge. It will be fun. I made brownie-cookies, which are yummy. It should be fun.

I've been reading this really good blog on tumbler. It is about a girl who is also in grad school, but is working on her PhD. The funny thing is I feel like her sometimes. We have a lot of similarities, but also quite a few differences. But it is nice to read. This is the link to her first post. I've been reading from the beginning to her most recent posts. http://confessionsofasinglegradstudent.tumblr.com/post/35149157410/cute-smart-and-single  She posts a lot more often than I do. Makes me wonder if I'm slacking on the writing of this blog...hmmmm

So as camping season has begun, I now get the house to myself. Yeah, it sounds awesome, but it is rather lonely. And I also don't sleep that well, I kind of freak myself out a bit. I am really tempted to invite B over (the guy I like), but he doesn't really have the money to visit. He was able to get enough money for a trip back North.

So here is an quick, short update on B. I like him. Like a lot. And I told him...hence the braveness in the title. My plan was to send it right before I went to bed and log off and wait for his reply. Well that didn't work out. I sent it telling him how much I liked him and how I didn't want it to be a what if. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity waiting for a reply...it was only like 10 minutes or so. But he replied. He likes me too, but has things to figure out first, but is willing to figure them out with me. So we'll see how this goes....Hopefully it doesn't take too long to figure out.

We are still talking a lot, which makes me happy. Now that I finally told him that I like him, I have let myself truly feel my feelings for him. I'm not hiding them from myself or suppressing them. Makes me know that I was right about my feelings and that it was a good idea to tell him. Makes me wish I didn't live so many hours away from him, so that it was easier to visit each other.

I'll keep you random readers up to date. Everyone have a good rest of your week and weekend. I'm going to go buy that new wrap thing from McDonalds.

One Year Almost Done

Tomorrow is the beginning of finals week. I am currently making flash cards for my only in class exam as well as watching After|Words. After|Words is a documentary about aphasia and is a must watch movie to understand what people are experiencing. It reminds me of the individuals I worked with last semester. I have one in class exam for voice and for my other two classes there is an online portion and a case study portion. I will be done by Wednesday!!! YAY!!!

So one problem I'm experiencing right now is sleep. I can't fall asleep, I don't stay asleep, and I seem to toss and turn when I am staying asleep. It is making life difficult as all I want to do is take a nap and keep sleeping. It is getting annoying. Most likely it is from stress and my ever thinking mind. My mind doesn't stop. Confession: one thing I'm thinking about is telling my friend B that I like him. 

Yes I know in my last post that I didn't like B. I'm so focused on school that I push down feelings or doubt them. I've always doubted my feelings, which makes it hard to know what I feel. Right now my main problem is I don't know myself as well as I should and that my self-confidence is not the highest. I need to work on this, but I think talking to B will help. It would be a long distance relationship if he has similar feelings. He currently lives 3 hours away, but in the fall he will be further away for school. He makes me smile and makes me feel better. He helped me smile when C broke up with me. I found myself listening to his suggestions of what kind of movie to watch and his second choice of nail polish last night. It made me laugh. Confession: He is a great guy who I am nervous about at times that he won't feel the same way or that we are too different. My friends know why we are so different, and its not something I want to share with all of you random people online.

Last weekend was formal for my sorority and my brother's fraternity. So it was a long road trip up there for an epic weekend with some awesome people. I drove my friend L up, her roommate D up, and my brother up. It was a nice long 9 hour drive. There were so many laughs and good quotes from the weekend. "Hold me" "These girls not those girls" "Big and Meaty" I'm amazed my stomach didn't hurt from laughing so much. It was good to see my friends again. I got to try on my bridesmaid dress for my friend T's wedding. Had fun with my date M, who is taken by my friend K. I got lots of free drinks and kisses that night. I had fun until I started to get tired and couldn't deal with the crowds. I was glad to get away from the bars and walk to my brother's and B's fraternity house. I of course complained about the snow, but that was mostly because I was already cranky from dealing with crowds. It was nice seeing some of the alum at the house, but B could tell I was cranky so he gave me, L, and A a ride back to the hotel with a pit stop at Taco Bell. Food helped me get in a better mood. I did not sleep well that night as it was way too warm in the room. I don't like warm rooms. We didn't even go to bed that night until 5am on Sunday morning. L and I decided that D would drive home. He and my brother had some interesting conversations. I am so glad I have another year until the next formal.

Friday was a good day this past week. I spent the morning observing an orthodontist at the cleft clinic western puts on. I then spent an hour in the afternoon wine tasting with some of the girls from my program. That was so much fun. I bought a bottle of wine that I had never tried before. That evening I then went to see "Kiss Me, Kate" with different girls from class. It was just a great day of not studying.

I apologize for the random order of things. But I was just writing how it was organized in my mind. I will keep you all updated on how things with B go or don't go. Feel free to comment with any questions you have or name a topic you want me to talk about.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to all of my readers!!! 

My hair right after I cut it the first time. 14 inches shorter. 

I was excited that I was able to finally spend an Easter with my family. It was a great weekend to spend with my family and a little bit of time with my brother's girlfriend. My weekend started after a great tour for potential students with amazing weather. My drive home was beautiful and the only thing that could have made it better was no slow people in front of me in areas where I couldn't pass. Confession: I used to be a slow poke driver but now I'm a speed demon at times. When I got back to my family's town, I went straight to my hairdresser to meet my mom and get my hair trimmed. It is so nice to have it back shorter again. I went almost two months without cutting it and it had grown about an inch which is a lot when it is as short as I have it now. 

I then followed my mom back to our house. I spent the first portion of the night trying to finish my room. My parents are planning on selling their house this summer, so I had to pack up my room. So when I had that basically done I went up and played some cards with my parents. The rest of the weekend was spent studying for an exam I have Monday morning and finishing packing. I also found some awesome Alpha Xi Delta stuff in Mt. Pleasant thanks to my brother and his girlfriend. For just over $20 I bought a huge Alpha Xi Delta blanket, a bag, a sock monkey wearing a sweatshirt with AXiD on it, and a car decal with BetXi bear on it. (pictures when it lets me)

It was a great weekend. 

So I mentioned in my last post that I thought I liked my friend B. Well after hanging out with him at my work banquet, there were no butterflies or any other feelings. So no future boyfriend anytime soon. Which is actually a good thing. I am currently super busy with life and not able to find time to actually have a boyfriend or meet someone. I'm so used to being single that it works for me. Besides, I plan on moving to Tennessee or the UP when I graduate next year. Why would I want to start a relationship with someone who wants to move somewhere that I don't. 

So in other news. I recently signed up for the Color Run this summer. I'm super excited and working on getting in shape for it, even though it isn't until August. It will be awesome. I also colored my hair Darkest Violet. It looks awesome. Hopefully after this long week of papers, an exam, and a presentation, I will get to see my friend L from my pledge class. She plans on coming to hangout with me for at least one night and day. YAY!!!

Lazy and Exhausted

So sorry for letting so long go without a post. As the title suggest I am lazy and exhausted, but sadly I've also been rather busy. I gave up on like everything in the last post, the no TV, the reading the bible everyday , so on. I'm too lazy and TV is how I de-stress after a long day at school. So lets see since my last post I had an awesome Valentines Day with my awesome friend H who did her undergrad with me and is doing her grad here in audiology, I hung out with one of my best (and only) guy friends B (confession: I am pretty sure I like B, but I am horrible at knowing my own feelings, see more later in post), went on spring break, and just had a pretty good St. Patty's day. I have decide I will most likely grow out my hair as I can't afford to cut it every month and I really want long hair whenever I get married. Whenever that happy day may or may not occur.

So before I talk about all of that awesomeness I should explain how lazy and exhausted I am lately. I am so lazy that I have had time to workout and instead I just sit and watch TV because I'm so exhausted. I know, I know, working out should help with the exhaustion, but then again I'm lazy. But I hate the weight I have put on and need to loose 50 lbs. So other than working out, I am also going to do my best to cut gluten and dairy out of my diet (my stomach has been unhappy and painful lately). So now for the fun stuff.

So Valentine's day was on a clinic day this year. So started it with head start in the morning, which is always fun. I love those kids. Two of the ones I am monitoring "did" my hair and make-up on Thursday in the dramatic play center. So after head start I headed to clinic to work for a little bit. H and I had planned to get lunch at B-dubs. It was yummy and we ran into my classmates B and K (different B than the guy B, I'm not good at distinguishing sometimes). I then returned to work/clinic for the rest of the day. Got some work hours in and my ESL client didn't show up (sort of as usual, first of 4 sessions in a row that they missed). After clinic was over H and I went to see Beautiful Creatures  and then had our usual Glee night. From my parents and grammy I got an awesome 31 bag and 3 sock monkeys. I have a weird obsession with sock monkeys. I also bought myself flowers and a rose plant (which is basically dead). Overall one of the best single Valentine's I've had since high school.

Right before spring break, basically the first official day of break, I drove 3 hours to see my guy friend B for the day. We hung out, took care of his farm animals, I cuddled with his dogs and guinea pig, he took me out to dinner, and we went bowling for about 3 hours. It was fun and nice to just hang out. We flirted a little and picked on each other. He tried to help me with my bowling game, but it seemed to just make it worse, or my arm was just getting tired from the ball that was too heavy. I didn't leave his place until 10:30 (which was when I was supposed to arrive at my friend H's {from high school} apartment). I got to her place at 12ish. Overall a great start to break.

When I got to H's apartment we talked guys as she finished packing, we didn't get to bed until 1:30. It was nice to catch up and have some girl talk time. We left her place around 8am the next day and hit the road for North Carolina to see our friend S. We hadn't seen her since August at her going away party. The week was so much fun. We did way too much shopping, saw Silver Lining Playbook, started watching the awesome show Dr. Who (the new seasons), and just had awesome girl time. I worked out 3x while there, which is more than I have since early January. It was fun and I got to go to Tennessee where I potentially might move in a year, unless something changes my mind...hint hint.

So today was St. Patty's day, and I had a pretty good day. I went to church for the first time in 3 weeks it was nice  to be back. I then met up with H (the first one mentioned) to see The Great and Powerful Oz, study time at Biggby, and dinner at Steak and Shake. It was nice to catch up with here, even though we saw each other Friday...lol. We're canceling Glee night this week as I am going home for the weekend. I have a "date" or date, don't know which yet. My employee recognition banquet for my summer job is on Friday and I asked my guy friend B to be my date and he said yet. Its country themed and he is excited to go ( I hope). I'm also hoping to try to initiate a kiss, hopefully he doesn't have the same plan lol.

So I think I'm all caught up on life and the craziness. So much studying and wishing it wasn't freezing cold. I'm tired of cold and snow and cold. I'm also tired of being exhausted all the time, I don't think I'm sleeping well again and I don't know why. I don't feel stressed or anything, so maybe I can figure it out soon.

I am wondering how many people actually read these blogs. I also wonder if anyone I talk about reads these. If so, B will know I think I like him...oh yeah why I don't know I'll try to explain tomorrow or in my next post. Like I've said I'm too lazy exhausted to do it now. So to get where I was going before I distracted myself. If you are reading this, please make one comment. I just kind of want to know how many people are reading these. You don't need to leave a name or anything. I'll most likely keep posting even if no one comments. 

Good night all you anonymous people out there.